International Men’s Day

Guys,

If you really want to see an International Men’s Day

We’ll have to do more than buy our own underwear

And change the odd toilet roll,

Because

There can’t be an International Men’s Day

While outspoken women continue to be pilloried in the media,

And corporations use self loathing to sell cosmetics

And men still need diagrams to locate their partners’ lady bits.

And there can’t be an International Men’s Day

Until Malibu Barbie is replaced by

Truck-Driver Barbie

Or Construction-Worker Barbie,

Or even, god-help-me,

Chief Executive Officer Barbie.

And there can’t be an International Men’s Day

While Harley Street surgeons still perform clitoridectomies,

And while men still expect to be applauded for making

The occasional spaghetti bolognaise

While leaving their wives to do

All the other household chores.

And there can’t be an International Men’s Day

Until terms like slut and dyke and whore

are expunged from the language,

And men stop being squicked by body hair

And rapes jokes are just not funny any more.

And there certainly won’t be an International Men’s Day

Until men stop bleating – Well, not all men are like that,

Because, until the male species gets it through their thick,

entitled heads that the fight for equality

Is a human right that needs to be fought for

By both sexes

Then we’re all going to be lumped-in with the lowest

Ukip Neanderthal banging his fists in deepest Surrey,

Because while we all sit tight

In the don’t-make-waves

Comfort of our own political correctness

And do nothing

Then we have to expect to be classified with the morons

Because, frankly, that’s all we deserve.

And that’s why we’ll never have

An International Men’s Day.