I walked into my friendly local nearby Asda store,
I had to buy some groceries, it really was a bore,
And then I saw the Asda folk all wearing Santa hats,
Oh dear, I said, it’s Christmastime, it’s going to drive me bats.
And sure enough the aisles were full of gaudy Christmas stuff,
Of turkey mince and peach wassail and raisin-free plum duff,
There was Christmas pudding pizza and parsnip flavoured cake,
And mulled wine Alka Seltzer, it made my poor head ache.
So I told the Asda colleagues, Alas, I’ll come up here no more,
Until the dreaded Christmas is banished from your store,
I cannot face the junk food, the sweets and pickled bats,
And all the chubby checkout girls in jolly Santa hats.
They said, then go, then, grinch man, oh you we will not miss,
We rather we’d not see you, if you hate our Christmas bliss,
So they packed up my carrier, said of grumps you are the king,
And sent me out into the dark with a parting glad ching-ching.