There are spiders in the oven and beetles in the sink,
There are roaches in the hallway and, I think, the missing link,
There’s a bird’s nest on the chimney and there are mice in all our beds,
Plus there are mammals in the attic who are messing with our heads.
The gas is disconnected and the water has gone dry,
There are scores of broken roof tiles and we can see the morning sky,
We have no light or heating and a lousy kitchen freezer,
A bed propped up by gravity and cat called Ebenezer.
So come up when e’er you’re passing, come stop and have a chat,
You’ll always find a welcome in our mortgaged luxury flat,
We pay payments on our payments and have no cash to spare,
But that’s the property ladder for home-owners everywhere.