My mother’s a little woman, she’s rather short and fat,
But on Mother’s Day, it’s quite the thing, that I shouldn’t mention that,
She talks in weird non sequiturs, and wears her hat all squint,
But of this odd propensity, I cannot show a hint,
So I buy her flowers and chocolates and other wastes of money,
But I cannot have a laugh with her, ‘cause mothers aren’t funny.
They are the ones who raised us, dealt with our dirty nappy,
And though we show our gratitude, we can’t be glib or snappy,
So a funny Mother’s Day card, is something you won’t see,
For Mr Hallmark told me, they’re simply not to be,
He said keep Mothering Sunday, all saccharine, sweet as honey,
And have no comic nonsense, ‘cause mothers aren’t funny.