Albert Alonzo Montgomery Liszt,
Was a boy who had never, ever been kissed,
He’d evaded his Granny and her two elder sisters,
And old Aunty Ethel, the one who had whiskers.
Plus Tabitha, Jessica, and blonde Anne Marie,
The girls that his mother invited to tea,
Who stood at the door with faces up-turned,
But Albert said, Ladies, my favoured are earned,
So pack up your powder and cherry lip gloss,
I don’t want your kisses, I don’t give a toss.
And thus he remained for three years and ten,
Till his twenty-first birthday shattered his Zen,
For in walked the girlies, who still numbered three,
Tabitha, Jessica and blonde Anne Marie,
And he gasped at their legs and their tans through their hose,
Then up-turned his gaze, said, Where’d ya get those!
I’ve reached my majority, my embargo I’ll lift,
I’m ready and willing and able to be kissed!
But they looked at him witheringly, said, Go take a hike,
We’re not going to kiss you, so scat, on yer bike!
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