This is the story of Jessica Keating,
A girl who couldn’t stop comfort eating.
Her mother said, Jessie, this snacking is bad,
But, Mum, said our Jessica, it’s because I am sad,
I’m crushed by depression and feelings so blue,
If I don’t have my snacking I’ll have to sniff glue.
So they went to a doctor to make our girl well,
But while in reception she snacked on his bell,
And when she spoke to the medic she only went ‘ding!’,
And the doc asked her mother, are you feeding her bling?
I can’t treat this patient, she hasn’t a voice,
Take her home or just kill her, it’s your personal choice.
But what about the eating, look she’s waving her fork?
Oh that, that is easy, just use this old cork,
Just stuff up her gob, she’s got nothing to say,
It’ll stop all her eating for ever and a day!
But won’t it just kill her, if I do to her that?
Oh no, said the doctor, she’s got plenty of fat.
So folks if you’re feeling all sad and quite blue,
Don’t reach for the cake tin, this might happen to you.