Reginald Rocqueforth Fortesque Daire,
Was a boy quite enamoured with girls’ pubic hair.
He jumped on his teacher and gave her a push,
Then whipped off her drawers to look at her bush.
The school called his parents, said, have there been others?
Oh yes, said his father, he looks at his mother’s,
And we can’t get a nanny and we can’t get a cook,
Since Reggie is always sneaking a look.
So they called in a brain doc, said what’s to be done,
He’s assaulted a reverend and stripped off a nun,
The shrink said I’m not sure, but an action quite drastic,
For I’m sure his voyeurism is both fake and sarcastic.
So thus in an effort to reform his bad ways,
They sent him to prison for twenty-one days,
But the warden did punish him before long enough,
For using a mirror to look at her muff.
So she went to the chandler and bought a big tub,
And put Reggie in it and gave it a rub,
Then launched it at Landsend and sent him to sea,
Saying, that’s what you get for leering at me.
And Reg called back to her as she stood by her patch,
Farewell, love, I’ll miss you and your thick ginger thatch,
And out in the water he looked so forlorn,
That Rita forgave him and his perpetual horn.
And she dived from the cliff top and out to his tub,
Saying, darling, I love you, when a big German sub,
Came out of the water and killed her quite dead,
And left Reggie quite anguished and out of his head,
Till the submarine captain, called Lilly Marlene,
Said, Reginald for bush you’ll lack never again,
For we live under the ocean to fend off attack,
And we don’t carry Immac or razors or wax.
And as they sunk in the ocean like an inflatable toy,
There never had been a more happier boy.