Oh me name is John Paul Dawkins and I’m fat as fat can be,
I eat sardines for me breakfast and kippers for me tea,
I take the car to Asda’s, I certainly never walk,
And load it up with six-packs, and I will never balk.
Me wife is called Vanessa, she has sixty double Dees,
And a belly that is off the scale when she eats mushy peas,
She likes to watch her videos of people working out,
And then we order pizza and eat it while we shout:
Oh we are western citizens, we live in the free world,
We like to tan our bodies and have our top-locks curled,
We only read the tabloids and think that learning’s bunk,
And mags without celebrities, are just such fucking junk.
So pump me full of calories and sweets and beer and fats,
And let me always have my porn of fat girls showing their twats,
I don’t ask for understanding or global peace on earth,
Just beer and fags and shagging, I think that’s what I’m worth.