Frederica McCafferty Gladstone-McGee,
Was a girl who was always late for her tea.
At lunch she was punctual, at breakfast on time,
But for tea she was often later than nine.
Her mother said, Freddie, this cannot go on,
The crumpets are frozen, there’s no hope for the scone,
The toast it is wilting, the teapot quite cold,
And every blesséd teatime my daughter I scold.
Well, Mummy, I’ll tell you what causes my lateness,
I stay after school to improve on my greatness.
Nice try, said her mother, but alas it won’t wash,
I ran your head master and he says that is bosh.
OK, said our heroine, you wanted the truth,
I’ve fallen in love with a lesbian called Ruth,
We meet in the bike sheds each evening at four,
And she does such things to me that I scream out for more.
She spanks me and wanks me and watches while I pee,
Fair enough, said her mother, but can’t she do that after tea?