Address Tae A Haggis

Ach weel, puddin’, that art steamin’ oot yer sonsie face,
Nae sae smairt now, noo that I’m oan yer case.
See this knife here in my haund,
I’m gonna slice ye up the middle like a wand.

Serve ye up wi’ neeps and a glais o’ Irn Bru,
Pund’s worth o’ chips an’ a pickled egg too,
Wash you doon wi’ some bevy fra the shop,
Watch telly fur a bit an’ then go oot to the hop.

Chanrged up wi’ Diamond Lite and some Chicken Madras,
You’re long-since swallowed doon now and headin’ tae ma arse,
Throw you up at Shuffles doon at George Square,
Dinnae want to slosh you over ma mither’s close stair,
So, raise yer glaises, ain and all, and toast the steamin’ plate,
Now I’m fucking off oot, it’s midnight and I’m late.

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Filed under black humor, black humour, Cautionary tale, comic verse, funny poem, humorous verse, literary parody, parody, whimsy

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