Found Amongst the Lost Papers of Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Oh me name it is Matilda, won’t you listen to my song,
I know it is your wedding but it won’t take me too long,
I was sitting in the Toto Club dancing to the Yellow Brick Road,
When this albatross came up to me and dumped on me a load.
He said it isn’t easy being a swishy albatross,
I’ve told the head of aviary but he doesn’t give a toss,
But I thought he was too boring so I shot him in the ass,
And now no-one will speak to me, I’m a very lonely lass.
The old club it got quiet and the pumps they went quite dry,
And for a lengthy fortnight not a customer came by,
The clubber were all angry, they said it was my fault,
So I drownéd all my sorrows in a date and pecan torte.
The wedding guests, said, is that the best sad story you can tell?
So you shot a bloody albatross, get over it, what the hell,
Get a life, go out and drink, dance in a disco fountain,
Or go and sit with sissy boys, who cry at Brokeback Mountain.