The Original Manuscript of the Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner

Found Amongst the Lost Papers of Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Oh me name it is Matilda, won’t you listen to my song,
I know it is your wedding but it won’t take me too long,
I was sitting in the Toto Club dancing to the Yellow Brick Road,
When this albatross came up to me and dumped on me a load.

He said it isn’t easy being a swishy albatross,
I’ve told the head of aviary but he doesn’t give a toss,
But I thought he was too boring so I shot him in the ass,
And now no-one will speak to me, I’m a very lonely lass.

The old club it got quiet and the pumps they went quite dry,
And for a lengthy fortnight not a customer came by,
The clubber were all angry, they said it was my fault,
So I drownéd all my sorrows in a date and pecan torte.

The wedding guests, said, is that the best sad story you can tell?
So you shot a bloody albatross, get over it, what the hell,
Get a life, go out and drink, dance in a disco fountain,
Or go and sit with sissy boys, who cry at Brokeback Mountain.

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Filed under comic verse, funny poem, humorous verse, literary parody, Nonsense verse, parody, whimsy

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