First write a book about talking polar bears and sell it to Hollywood,
Then tell others how you did it, I really think you should,
Revamp your old Enid Blyton’s and turn the Five into wizards,
Rip off Armani coats and make them fit for blizzards.
[Actually, you can skip that last one, it’s only there to make it rhyme!]
Shave your head and be portentous and give marketing advice,
In fact, be a guru of any sort, it’s always very nice,
Sell your blog to a publishing house for a five figure sum,
Have lots of plastic surgery, tuck up your chin and tum.
Go spectacularly bankrupt and have governments bail you out,
Even better, buy a bank, and make money from your clout,
Sell excerpts from your diaries to publishers who are pissed,
Then clinch a deal at Frankfurt to syndicate this list.