Scuttlebucket, from Nantucket, went to sea, that’s boring, fuck it!
Scuttlebucket, brave and bold, went in search of pirate gold,
Found a toilet cistern chain, Scuttlebucket fooled again.
Scuttlebucket died a hero, killed him dead in Garden Zero,
Bought himself a diamond pin, when cops came out and totaled him.
Scuttlebucket went to Tiffany’s, bought the pin for nine epiphanies,
But the jeweller called the cops, sent them out to search the shops.
Scuttlebucket, meanwhile, walking, had the pin and wandered, talking,
To a tall American man, veteran of the Klu Klux Klan.
Scuttlebucket hit the park, wandered, lonely, until dark,
Then reached inside his jacket pocket, to take out his mother’s locket.
Scuttlebucket, dead, alas, victim of the forward pass,
They buried him on Primrose Hill, two graves down from Aunty Lil.