No, we can’t have that landscape, get rid of those rolling hills,
And definitely cut the drug addict, nobody’s to swallow pills,
And how about that dog there, can’t he be more of a cat,
And I really don’t like that hair colour, give the woman a hat.
We can’t have regional accents, please get rid of Pam Ayres,
And change her house to a bungalow, nobody’s to climb up stairs,
And get rid of that Wilton carpet and get me a new one in beige,
And, yes, I know that they’re actors, but tell them to get off that stage.
Cut out all the talking, make the characters be quiet,
And edit out the war scene, the rape, the murder, the riot,
Lop off the gaudy end credits, nobody cares about names,
And definitely lose all those titles, the lords, the ladies and dames,
Let’s relocate over to Belgium, where everything’s boring and flat,
Rewrite the script, recast the cast, and let no-one about me be fat!


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Filed under comic verse, Film, funny poem, humorous verse, parody

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