The Night After Christmas

‘Twas the night after Christmas and all through the room,

The cleaner was weeping whilst wielding her broom,

For the floor it was littered with wrappers and poses,

Of Quality Street chocolates, Celebrations and Roses,

There were crackers and beer caps and bent kebab skewers,

Squashed jellies, dead holly and brandy liqueurs,

A wishbone, a motto, a chocolate snowman,

An Ann Summer’s dildo and battery-powered fan,

There were beer stains and wine stains and empties galore,

Foot-squashed Christmas pudding and puke by the door,

Red hats with white fur-lines and a black up-lift bra,

Red braces, used condoms and the keys to a car,

And she wails and she whimpers, then she turns off the light,

“Merry Christmas to all – I’m done for the night!”

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4 Comments

Filed under comic verse, funny poem, humorous verse, whimsy

4 responses to “The Night After Christmas

  1. a great parody of the most oft-parodied poem in existence

  2. Yep, there’s something about that rhyme-scheme that makes you want to just go out and imitate it!

  3. Great poem. Thanks Max. Could you please seek the original word of Kebab for me?

  4. Happy to oblige! KEBAB: ORIGIN late 17th cent.: from Arabic kabāb, partly via Urdu, Persian, and Turkish.

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